雅思英语类别：
如下为同学雅思原文 In some countries the widespread use of internet has given people more freedom to work or study at home instead of traveling to work or college. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantage. |
| Question type | Opinion | Topic | In some countries the widespread use of internet has given people more freedom to work or study at home instead of traveling to work or college. | Real writing tasks | Discuss your opinion about whether advantages of this phenomenon outweigh its disadvantages. | Synonyms or related words for the key words in the writing task: Widespread=universal, comprehensive, extensive Freedom=more choices, liberty Travel=have trip/tour Advantage=benefit, superiority Disadvantage=defect, deficiency Outweigh=come before, take precedence over |
Internet plays an increasingly significant role in our daily lives. Thanks to the internet, people can take classes or communicate with their colleges without stepping out of their home. But in my opinion, it is not a wise choice to work or study via internet only. It is undeniable that internet is one of the most useful assistants in people’s life. Firstly, it saves them amounts of time on the way to and from their schools or companies, the way which may be so long that is expected to upset people, especially in rush hours. Moreover, telecommuting makes it easier to manage time. For example, it is impossible for daily commuters to attend class during the weekdays. But if they take online classes, they can rewind the live afterwards in their spare time, gaining a more flexible time schedule. However, it is also obvious that teleworking has disadvantages, which have a more direct relevance to the quality of work and study. Unable to see each other’s facial expression through internet communication methods such as emails and online messages, people may misunderstand others’ opinions, even causing the inefficiency of the work. What’s more, working or studying online requires a high self-discipline of staffs and students because, unlike in the real world, there is no supervisor on the internet. Once they loaf on the job, the work will never be finished on time. In conclusion, on the one hand, people cannot ignore the advantages of telecommuting in time saving and time management, but on the other hand, it may also lead to a more severe problem because of its lack of supervise. Band:6.0+ TR:6.5 CC:6.0 LR:6.0 GRA:6.0 Comment | | Task Response | · It is able to rephrase the topic with clarity and relevance. · It completely addresses the task. It gives clear opinion. (introduction) · The first body paragraph relevantly addresses the advantages for internet communication with two supporting details. · The second body paragraph describes disadvantages of internet communication with two supporting points, but the first supporting point is not persuasive enough. · There is clear restatement of opinion in the conclusion to support introduction and body. | Coherence and Cohesion | · There is proper paragraphing used in the body paragraphs. (PEE: point, explanation, example) · There is some logical organization of ideas although not consistent. · It lacks use of adequate cohesive devices (logical connectors, pronouns and conjunctions). | Lexical Resource | · Use of less common vocabularies is observed. The vocabulary range is diverse. Word repetition is observed. · It properly makes use of accurate word families in replacing some key words. · There is inaccuracy in word form. | Grammatical Range and Accuracy | · There is grammar error in missing article, verb, word collocations and form of predicate. · It uses some complex sentences with some error. · Please use a variety of sentence forms employing subordinate clause, various tenses of verbs, and modals. | Suggestions | 1. When writing the conclusion of an opinion essay, restate your stand or viewpoint. Emphasize it. When writing the conclusion, be guided by this format: A. signal phrase (in conclusion), restate your position (positive or negative development) B. summarize the main points (both task 1 and task 2) C. final opinion/ recommendation 2. In the body part, please choose some points which are more persuasive and less argumentative, so that your illustration will be more convinced. 3. For the use of conjunctions, try not to put “but” at the beginning of a sentence. Use some more advanced conjunctions instead. Also, remember that there should be conjunctions not only in your sentences but also among your paragraphs to make your transition less sudden. 4. Figure out what kind of constituents are necessary for a complete sentence. 5. Pay attention to word class, especially for the use of verb and noun.
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